Empathy is a game about communication. In a conversation involving two people, one person is the speaker and the other is the listener. The speaker’s goal is to fully express his or her concerns and feel understood. The listener’s goal is to fully attend to and understand the speaker. Comunicating is like a dance; it takes time to find your steps and rhythm.
In Empathy, the player (you) takes on the role of the listener. The game plays the role of the speaker. The player can respond to the game character by selecting 1 of 7 available prompts. Future game versions will allow fill-in-the-blank input and even natural language input.
The best communication facilitates understanding which can have different levels. In a conversation, the speaker can move through these basic levels of communication:
As the speaker moves down the list vulnerability increases. For example, sharing feelings is more vulnerable than sharing facts. Sharing about the present is more vulnerable that sharing about the past. Sharing a need to feel loved is more vulnerable that sharing an opinion about a sport's team. Vulnerability is risky. Speakers will usually only open up more when they feel it is safe to do so.
The listener has a responsibility to stay focused on the speaker’s issue. You are the speaker’s advocate. Choose responses that enhance and amplify the speaker’s best interest. Observe. Notice. How is the speaker feeling? Amplify what the speaker is communicating. Let it be about the speaker. Fully place your focus and attention on the speaker.
At the beginning of listening, work only with what the speaker presents. Do not add your biases, inflections, or meanings. Do not hijack the conversation or change the subject. Do not defend your opinion or actions, correct the speaker, or refocus the attention on what you need or want. Start with the non-directive responses first and gradually work in more direction as appropriate. The listener can use these skills (roughly in order from basic to advanced skills):
Using basic skills is also called Active Listening or Reflective Listening. They focus on what the speaker is literally saying. Advanced skills attempt to move beyond what the speaker is expressing explicitly to what the speaker is implying (but has not been able to put into words). They attempt to identify the missing pieces so the speaker can see the whole picture. Advanced skills build upon rapport and understanding built by the basic skills. Advanced skills work best when the conversation has been warmed-up by basic skills.
Because you can’t know for certain what the speaker is thinking or how he or she feels, always respond with some degree of tentativeness. You are testing if you understand, not telling the speaker what they are feeling. Don’t skip levels. Deep levels add more advanced responses. If you become unsure of how to respond, try a previous level’s more basic response.
After the speaker acknowledges that you understand the core of what he or she wants to communicate, you can begin to add your ideas into your response. Remember, you don’t have to agree with the speaker, only listen well. As the listener moves down in listening levels, he or she becomes LESS rigid, simple and MORE attuned, feeling-focused, and confident.